“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?”

1 Corinthians 15:4-55, 57
54 And when this corruptible will put on incorruption and this mortal will put on immortality, then the word which is written will come to pass, “Death has been swallowed up unto victory.”
55 Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?
57 But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

These three verses were in the program of the brother mentioned in my previous entry. I was able to attend his memorial meeting, and it was just an overcoming meeting!

Death cannot hold the resurrection life!

Like I said previously, I did not know this brother really well or on a personal level, but I had talked to him a few times. However, I am comforted to know that the brother I talked to was the same brother everyone else had talked to. By this I mean that he was just such a genuine person who genuinely loved the Lord and His believers.

In the meeting, it was so encouraging to hear all of these testimonies of those that were close to this dear brother. All of their testimonies were the same in the sense that they all had the same experience with their interactions with this genuine and precious brother. This brother just loved the Lord, and just wanted to share his love for the Lord with anyone and everyone. He just wanted to shepherd the Lord’s believers.

He was a person who just magnified Christ! What a pattern! I, personally, left the memorial meeting not feeling extremely sad, but just rejoicing the life that this brother lived! Honestly, what a pattern he was! I want to take this brother as my pattern.

I want to really be so zealous to know the Lord in the same way this brother knew the Lord. I want to be zealous to just seek Him.

There were just so many things in the meeting that just brought joy to my heart, yet also exposed the kind of condition I am in. I am overjoyed that this brother was such a pattern, but I am also exposed to see my condition with the Lord. How I need to have such a longing in my heart to pursue after my Lord. To run the race.

I have been enjoying many things lately, and just one of the things I’ve been enjoying is this song -I don’t remember who it was written by, but I’ve been enjoying this hymn…I want these words to be my reality!

Lord, I Love You

Lord, I love You more today
Than any other.
Lord, I love You more right now
Than ever before.

Lord, You are so dear
How could my heart desire
Anything that’s less than You?
Lord, You are the One I must choose
Lord, I love You.

Lord, I need You more today
Than any other.
Lord, I need You more right now
Than ever before.

Lord, You are so near
Be everything to me.
I couldn’t live a day without You.
I’m totally dependent on You.
Lord, I need You.

Lord, I love You
I’ll never let You go.
Lord, I love You.
I want You to know
Lord, I love You so.

—-

Another thing that I left the memorial meeting with was that this brother was not ashamed to tell people of his love for the Lord. I want to be one who just loves the Lord so much that I want to tell anyone and everyone! End.

Life is too short…

It is with a sad and heavy heart that I write today’s entry.

As I pulled into the driveway, around 4:40 pm, my sister told me that an acquaintance, a family friend, a brother in Christ, and someone, very honestly, dear to my heart, had passed away, yesterday night. He had gotten into a solo motorcycle accident, and, I think, died on impact.

As I heard the news, I had just pulled into the driveway, like I said. I hadn’t even turned my car off when my sister came to my window and signaled me to open my door. It was then that I heard the news.

However, as I was parked and gathering my things to get out of my car, I was thinking of so many selfish and trivial things compared to the news that was about to me known to me.

I was thinking how hard that exam was today, how much my hand hurt from writing for so long, how embarrassing that presentation was this morning, and how dirty my windshield was, and that I should wipe my windshield. All these trivial and selfish thoughts were racing through my head.

To be quite honest, this brother (yes, he is my brother in Christ) wasn’t someone I was personally close to. He simply knew who I was, and I knew who he was. My dad would give him rides every now and then a few years ago, and I think he was fairly close to my dad. He was also in my family’s small group meeting (comparable to what most people would call a Bible study group). I had only talked to him a few times, but you know, it’s human nature to get attached to even the smallest relationships that are formed.

Anyway, the news hasn’t really sunk in, yet. I mean, I realize that this brother is no longer with us, but at the same time, I feel like it’s all a lie, and that I’ll be seeing this brother in the meetings next week. To be honest, I cried. I’m not sure if I cried from the news of his passing, or from the fact that we won’t see him anymore, or even from the fact that he was just someone I knew. I’m not sure, but I did cry. Actually, my eyes are red and puffy, and every now and then, I feel like I am going to burst out crying. I don’t even feel like I am worthy of crying for or over this brother because, as I said, I wasn’t close to him. I guess, since I’ve known of him, and he’s known of me for years, there’s just that sense of, I don’t even know a good word, but “habit” seems somewhat fitting. You get into this habit of seeing people over the years, of hearing about them in passing, etc. I guess I cried, partially, because I know that seeing this brother in the meetings, or whatever it may be, will be no longer. I really was honest when I said that this brother was dear to my heart; all the saints are dear to my heart, and I really do mean that.

As I was just, I don’t know, letting the news, the reality swarm in my head, I just felt so ashamed at how selfish I can be, how selfish we all can be, and how I make such a big deal out of the most trivial things.

Here I was complaining how tired I was from having to study, from having to take tests, from having to commute, from everything going on right now, and I didn’t even appreciate the life the Lord has given me.

Here I am, complaining of all the temporary hardships in my life, when I could be redeeming the time the Lord has given me. I think that’s also why I cried -because I know that the life I’m living now is not exactly the life the Lord wants me to be living. Here I am, just living day-to-day, complaining about school, about the weather, about anything, and the Lord is just wanting me to enjoy Him and redeem the time.

Even these past few months, I’ve been ashamed of myself. I’ve been telling myself, “what kind of life is this?” “Why are you just doing nothing?” I really have been telling myself this. Maybe this was just one way the Lord is calling me back. He’s always calling me back to Him; I get distracted so easily, so I know the Lord is always calling me back to Him.

I tell myself and the Lord, “tomorrow, Lord. Tomorrow I’ll have morning revival. Tomorrow I’ll read the Bible. Tomorrow this, tomorrow that.” And here I am…what excuse do I have not to come to the Lord?!?

Wow. I don’t know what I’m getting at in this entry. I’m just trying to, not make sense of the situation, but I’m just trying to, I don’t know, tell myself that there’s no excuse to be complaining of what I have. The Lord is so sovereign. How could I not think He’s sovereign? He has saved even me from death, so how can I say that He is not sovereign? He knows each of our measures. I know that He has such a high purpose for me.

This sad news is not something to be analyzed. This news is not even here for us to be asking the Lord, “why?” The Lord is righteous and sovereign in His judgments. Only He knows why He took our dear brother to be with Him.

Lord Jesus, how I love You. End.

Is this right?!?

Edit: It didn’t work. -_-” What’s going on?!? I’ll figure it out…eventually.

I’m not kidding when I say that I still don’t know how to work this blog. X_x” So far, every time I post a new blog entry, it’s gone on the same page. As of now, there are 9 entries on one page (I hate odd numbers, so I wanted 8 entries on one page, and the 9th entry to go on a new page). It’s getting too much to have to scroll down that far. So, here I am, clicking on “new page.” I hope I’m doing this correctly. From what I understand, clicking a new page would create a new page. I feel so stupid. -_-”

I have a test to study for. Not fun. The thing is, I’m less motivated to study for this test because it’s an open-book test, so I can write absolutely whatever I want to write in my book. Because it’s open-book, I don’t really feel like studying. On the other hand, I should organize my notes and have my pages marked so that I’m not wasting all of my time flipping through pages.

Let’s see…I think my friend’s coming back from vacation, tomorrow.

Also, three more weeks until Summer school ends. Our summer sessions are only five weeks, so I’m really happy that I only have to “suffer” for a little while. I’m one of those people that can learn a lot in a short amount of time, that’s why, when I was in a school that was on the semester system (approx 16-18 weeks -mine was 18 killer weeks) I was suffering. I can’t stand semester systems. Quarter systems are my ideal.

What else?…

Oh, my sister and I had lunch with a very dear person. She used to be my “serving one” in church, when I was in middle and high school. She moved to a different state, so I rarely get to see her, save for, maybe, twice a year, if even. She’s very dear to my heart. When my sister and I had to leave, I said bye to her one more time, and I could see that she was holding back tears. It made me sad, but also comforted me to see that she really, really does care for all the young people she served.

I have to call my friend. O_x I haven’t talked to her since the day of my graduation…it sort of makes it seem like I only contacted her to come to my graduation. I know she wouldn’t think that, but it sort of seems like it.

I think I’m done. I hope this entry will go to a “new page.” End.