Not Myself

It’s not so much that I’m not myself as it is that I just don’t feel like myself. Why? Easy…because I’ve been extremely upset, since last night. It’s a long story, but it basically involves me getting into an “argument” with someone.

Basically, we were talking about something, and this person interjects with some information that doesn’t directly have anything to do with what I was initially talking about. I did listen to what this person had to say, but I also got back to the subject. I wasn’t rude or anything like that; however, this person got upset with me and all of a sudden stopped talking to me. I apologized, but by that time I was already a little upset, and just stayed silent (this all happened while driving somewhere). Then, when we arrived at our destination, this person was talking to me as if absolutely nothing happened! Then, since I wear my emotions on my sleeves, it was obvious that I was upset because I was silent. So, this person asks, “Are you mad?” Thank you, captain obvious! *sarcasm* -_-” I explained why I was mad, and I also explained that I was mainly mad because I apologized, but this person ignored that apology. I apologize again, after explaining why I was mad, but this person ignored my apology again!!

So, as we walked inside the place we went to, this person completely left me in the dust and went off. So, by that time I’d had it. I walked out of that place and just sat in my car. So, since that point I’ve been mad.

I haven’t been talking to anybody. When I’m really mad, I just can’t talk to anybody. I’m definitely not someone who can hide her feelings toward others and pretend that everything’s okay. I very much wear my heart on my sleeve, so when I feel sad, I’m sad, when I’m mad, I’m mad, and I am just not capable of masking my feelings. I’ve tried hiding my feelings so that I don’t bring anyone else down, but I feel so horrible inside, I almost feel disgusted with myself, and I feel like I’m lying to myself -that’s what I’m doing, essentially -lying to myself. I can’t lie to myself.

I’m very upset right now.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t want to end this blog on a “depressing” note.

It’s definitely been a bit since I’ve updated. Not much has happened, but I did start Summer school on Monday. I’ve had my good days and bad days this week…the bad has definitely outweighed the good, unfortunately.

I’m not expecting sympathy, empathy, consolation or anything like, “I hope things look up for you;” or “I hope your days get better;” or even, “Things will get better soon.” All of this will pass, I know..I’m very aware of that. However, since this is a blog, and since I have no need to lie about my feelings, I’m just going to write exactly how it is. I never write with the intention of receiving anything from anyone. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I don’t want to hear what any of you have to say; I’m just saying, please don’t state the obvious; doing such things would really not help ameliorate the situation. I’m cynical, I know.

I know I said that I wanted to end things on a lighter note, but, sorry, I wasn’t successful at doing such a thing. End.

We Meet Again

It has indeed been a while. The reason for my absence…finals.

Anyway, I am a graduated individual.

The ceremony was not quick, but painless and enjoyable. It took about 2 hours, and felt like two hours, but it was fine.

However, I am far from being finished with school. I still have two more Summer classes to take before I can declare myself officially graduated. Then, AT LEAST one year at a community college to meet pre-optometry prerequisites, while interning. After that time, its optometry school, hopefully.

Aside from finals and graduation, not much has happened in my mundane life.

Oh, okay, so yesterday my sisters and I saw Kungfu Panda. I wanted to see it since I heard about it, but school got in the way of me seeing it earlier. Before all this Kungfu Panda hype, my favorite animal since early childhood has been the panda. Seriously, I can go in my room right now and take a picture of my collection, I kid you not. Anyway, so I was really thrilled about this animated movie. It’s funny, has the perfect amount of cuteness, and still has a nice plot throughout.

Next movie to see is Wall-e! My sisters and I have already marked it in our mental calendars. I would think that this boarders the line between lame and…well…okay, it’s lame to have this date marked-in, but I’m a total kid at heart, and I enjoy these things!

So, I said I’d try to share some of my photoshop work, photography, etc….the thing is, the last time I blogged, I DID try, but something happened and wasn’t able to post a picture. I’m far from being a computer genius, so have patience with me. Oh, and I also tried posting a song, and was this close to having it up, but, again, something went wrong…entirely my fault.

Anyway, I’m done for today. End.

So Much To Do, So Much Time Wasted!

Yes, so like the title reads, I have so much to do, but I keep finding ways to waste time. However, this is very typical of me when I have either something important to do, or if I have many things to do. I don’t know, I seem to work more efficiently that way. Odd thing, though, I’m actually very punctual, so I am NEVER late, nor do I turn anything in late.

Anyway, I have an essay to finish writing -I’ve barely started outlining it. Eek. I’ve also got a DREADED Philosophy abstract, outline, paper to write!!! I HATE Philosophy…with a burning passion, I kid you not. Seriously, and in all honesty, I understand more of the foreign language I’m learning more than I understand Philosophical concepts…really. It’s all Greek to me.

This week is the start of the last week of instruction for classes, then the following week is FINALS!! X_x

So, I’ve been burdened with this one matter for at least 2 weeks. I’ve somewhat decided to go ahead, grab the bull by its horns, and apply for this thing. What is this “thing,” you ask? It’s a scholarship program in which I’ll be teaching English and learning that country’s language, overseas. So, basically, it’s a study/teach abroad scholarship program.

I’ve been weighing the pros and cons for the past two weeks, I’ve been talking to people in that country, I’ve gotten advice, and yeah…I think I’ve exhausted my resources. There’s a choice to stay there for 6 months or to stay there for one year. I’m going to choose the 6-month program.

The only reason that this decision was so burdensome was because if I can’t complete the program or if I can’t fulfill my responsibilities for the full term I’m contracted for, I have to pay my way back home. They pretty much pay for EVERYTHING, even your plane ticket to go there, but if you can’t fulfill your responsibilities, you’re on your own, and must buy your own plane ticket home.

They provide a place to stay -dorm, apartment, home-stay, etc; they also give you a monthly allowance -another thing that was somewhat burdensome, too. Their monthly allowance is equivalent to about $1,500 (US dollars), and I wasn’t sure if that was enough to survive over there. However, after talking to someone who lives over there, I found out that it’s sufficient. Groceries alone, as I was told, would be about $600. That is, living that country’s lifestyle -eating their food, as opposed to buying a Western diet, which I have no problem because I LOVE that country’s food! Transportation shouldn’t be too expensive either.

I also asked about how I would be treated as a foreigner. The lady I was talking to is the same ethnicity as I am, so I found her advice to be more applicable to me.

Anyway, so I’ve decided to apply to this program, and I hope I get accepted. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time now, but other programs were so expensive. Now that this opportunity is here, I feel like I need more time to prepare myself. Funny. However, I feel that this opportunity is too good to be wasted, so I’m going to go for it!

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In another blog, that I frequently read, the blogger has their “song of the day” posted…I wonder if I can do that here for free. I better look-into that.

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I was thinking, since it’s somewhat difficult for me to actually write in this during the week, maybe I’ll post some of my photoshop creations and photography. I haven’t created anything lately, nor have I taken pictures of anything lately, so all I have to offer right now are older works.

End.